There’s this really neat little blog over here at
http://trixfiend.wordpress.com/2008/05/26/10-ways-to-increase-your-dork-quotient/
entitled “10 Ways to Increase Your Dork Quotient”.
However, if you read it, I feel the title should more properly be “10 Reasons I Am A Dork.”
If you are truly interested in increasing your dorkyness, this is my list of the following things that you can do to actually increase your dork quotient.
10. Suspenders – Really. There’s a reason we don’t see them on the runway much. Try on a pair and see if you don’t start feeling like a dork.
9. Broken glasses fixed with tape – If you wear glasses, first of all, you’re well on your way to being a dork. But if you want to increase your dork quotient, break your glasses and fix them with tape. +1 dork quotient for scotch tape. +3 for masking tape. +6 for Duct tape. +99 if the part you break is a lens and then you fix it with tape.
8. Pocket Protector – Pocket protectors are excellent for increasing your dork quotient. Especially if you wear them with a t-shirt that has no pocket. Just use the same tape that you fixed your glasses with and apply liberally to make it stick. Dorkitude accomplished.
7. Too short pants – If you want to truly achieve the dork appeal, pants that are too short are a must. But they can’t be so short they’re considered capris (unless you’re a guy – capris increase guy dorkiness by a factor of 68). 2-3 inches too short is the general rule. Just short enough so when you sit down, they hike up on your leg to reveal your mismatched tube socks in all their glory.
6. Carry multiple unnecessary electronic devices – In addition to your cell phone, ipod and PDA, carry also an electronic doorstop, a nose hair trimmer and a shoe polishing device. The greater the number and obscurity of the electronic device, the higher the dork quotient achieved.
5. Acquire terminal clumsiness – Begin walking into things… doors, walls, chairs, people, trees… make life an equal opportunity crash course. Also, begin dropping things. The more fragile, the better. And as a bonus, when you acquire terminal clutztude, people will stop asking you to dry the dishes.
4. End each sentence with, “According to Einstein’s theory.” – Feel free to mix it up and substitute with other appropriate (or random) scientists, theories, inventions, space programs or animals.
3. Count everything – Ever see the movie “Stranger than Fiction”? Count everything just like Harold Crick. That character was definitely a dork. In the very best way. 🙂 (If you haven’t seen that movie, go see it now! It totally rocks. Sidenote: Dorks have extensive movie collections, usually filled with a lot of Star- Movies -Star Wars, Star Trek, STNG … bonus dork points if you know what STNG is)
2. Become a trivia genius – But not in anything people care about. Seek to know everything about the 3-toed sloth or the toenail grooming habits of the German people. Try to get people to ask you questions about your chosen topic. “Hey Bob! Ask me anything about the mating patterns of Eastern Pacific amoebas!”
1. Squint one eye and say “Durrrrrr” a lot – Especially when there is a lull in the conversation, or general silence in a public place. Just see if people don’t start calling you a dork in record time! (Or they might wonder if you’re a little retarded … either way, mission accomplished!)
There you have it. My definitive list of the best ways to truly increase your Dorkiness quotient.
*Examples not taken from my life and habits (mostly). I am personally more of a nerd than a dork.
Nerds rule!!! WoOt!
Wishing you a laughter and plenty of dorky nerdy moments to laugh at!
Namaste,
Lina
AlinaPhoenix's Weblog - Only Occasionally Obscene 